Funny Joke Corner

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|Great truths about life that adults have learnedRaising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. There is always alot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I’m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires. Families are like fudge….mostly sweet, with a few nuts. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground. Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely. If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

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|For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

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|Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.”"What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, “You, sir, are the father of triplets.”"Wow, that’s really an incredible coincidence,” he answered. “I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.”An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.”Don’t tell me another coincidence?” asked the nurse.After finally regaining his composure, he said, “I don’t believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”After hearing this, everybody’s attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.The nurse asked, “Sir, are you all right?”"Yes” says the man, “I’m o.k. now. I just had a shocking thought. I work at the 7-11 Store.”

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|There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn’t a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.He said, “The first one was a girl.”The mother: “What did you name her?!?”Brother: “Denise!”The Mom: “Oh, wow, that’s not bad! What about the second one?”Brother: “The second one was a boy.”The Mom: “Oh, and what did you name him?”Brother: “Denephew.”

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